Thursday, January 31, 2008

Turn and face the strain

Just a quick update to let you know that I am back in LA after a fantastic trip to New York. My work event was a huge success, and I spent every evening catching up with friends. Physically, I am exhausted, but mentally, I am energized, and oddly excited to go into work tomorrow, to ride the wave of momentum this trip created. In the meantime, I have to shower soon and head out to dinner to see my friend Laura off for her last night living in LA. Sigh.

Ironically, when I was back east (I almost just wrote "when I was back home"), I spent a few nights consoling a friend whose other friend was, today, moving out of town. To Florida. With her husband. My friend, who has known this girl since college and has been close with ever since, was devastated at this loss, to say the least. Terrified of change and the idea that she's being left behind, I could understand all too well. But it made me remember that so much good can come from change, and that if you can get past the immediate vacancy, there's ultimately room to become so much more fulfilled.

When I left New York I thought I had hit my good friend quota - I couldn't possibly make any more friends like the ones I had there. But, three years later, I have, and I didn't have to sacrifice my former relationships to get them. Rather, I simply found more room in my heart for everyone.

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Friday, January 25, 2008

Lock and a hard place

My brain has been a deep-fried, disheveled mess the last few days as I've been preparing for my New York trip and trying to get all of my work done in time for it. Despite the fact that it's been a crazy day, and because I know I won't have the chance til late next week, I forced myself to hit the gym after work tonight.

My mind was running at full speed as I got changed, thinking about what I need to do before bed tonight: charge my iPod, return some phone calls, select five days worth of a winter wardrobe, take out the trash, print out my ticket. So I wasn't exactly paying attention when I snapped the lock into place on my gym locker - with my keys inside of it.

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Begrudgingly admitting defeat

I guess if I'm old enough and established enough to comfortably* spend $400 on a stunning, work-appropriate shirt dress, I suppose that means I'm also old enough and mature enough to need Spanx** to wear underneath it.

*$300 of those $400 were in the form of a gift certificate, hence "comfortably".

** And I totally cheaped out on the Spanx. The Macy's I went to didn't carry them, so I got the Hanes knock offs for $17. I'm supposed to feel like a cased sausage in it - right? Fashion is awesome.



Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Random Wednesday Goodness

I don't have much to write this week - basically, I am just posting for the sake of posting. I have been practicing some writing exercises lately - just for fun! flexing my brain muscles! - and the one tip I see over and over again is to just start writing, not edit, and keep going for five, fifteen minutes straight. That's not what I intend to do here - thankfully for you - but I thought it might get the blood pumping.

Oddly, just when I decide to start trying to write more, more writing has found its way to me. I've picked up a couple of freelance assignments recently that are easy for me to do, but challenging in a way I haven't been in a couple years. It's also nice to have some extra cash flowing in, even though said cash is going to straight to my AMEX bill. I've been eyeing some new bags and some shoes and maybe shooing the bags under my eyes, but for now, I'm just doing what I can to break even.

On the work-front, I am headed to New York next week for another Spa event. I leave on Saturday morning, and will spend the night with my friend Kristin. Sunday I'll head into the city, and I'll spend four days in the frigid cold before heading back here on Thursday. Despite the temperature, I am actually looking forward to the change in scenery and seeing my friends. Apparently if I stay stationary too long I get antsy. Wasn't I just complaining that I travel entirely too much?

Maybe so, but I did get bit by a little travel bug this morning. My friend Karen, Briztow's mom, sent me photos from her recent honeymoon in the Virgin Islands. Looking at the blue skies and white sand and crystalline water and rolling hills had me salivating even before I noticed the bottles of champagne and wine and rum and beer in every photo. Mmm, vacation. No sooner had I closed out of Snapfish than I received another email from my friend Lauren, this time directing me to Kodak to look at her album from France and Germany. The opposite of the Caribbean, Western Europe was snow-white and bitter cold, but I couldn't help but want to be there.

I've mentioned before that I went to Europe once, when I was 19. It was an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime kind of trip, but I never really ached to go back. I just remember the hassles of the different languages, different currencies, and living out of a suitcase for five weeks straight, and I was happy to have my European adventure behind me, residing only in photos and memories. But, after looking at Lauren's pictures today, I miss it. I've missed a lot, it seems.

What I won't miss, however, is tonight's Project Runway, on in 10. Aufweidersen!

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Peaks and Valleys

I remember the first time I hiked Temescal Canyon. It was a beautiful sunny day in November, and, still less than nine months since I'd moved here, I was utterly entranced by LA's seemingly endless supply of charms.

I was also lonely and bitter and shedding silent tears as I hiked the trail that day, trying to get past a breakup and wondering what LA really held for me, what I was doing across the country, so far from home. I had no roots here, then, and only a handful of friends; I spent many nights that winter wondering what lay ahead, if I should continue blindly uphill or say goodbye to the Technicolor magic and return to the dark shadows I'd left behind.

I hiked Temescal again this afternoon, the first time, in fact, I'd ever gone back. I've avoided it since then, always remembering that day, never wanting to revisit that rocky terrain, that clouded part of an otherwise spectacular year. But when my friend Miya suggested the hike, earlier this week, it seemed like an apt activity since my mind has been sort of clouded, anyway.

My friend Laura is moving out of LA in two weeks. I am slightly short of devastated.

I've written about Laura before. How she was one of my first friends here, and the first friend I made on my own. How I felt a connection with her that I hadn't had in a long time. What I didn't write was that our friendship was my first real step to feeling whole again. To believing that my living in LA had merit. That when I finally had more than one good girlfriend I could call up with my problems, meet for an impromptu drink, or just gossip about the day, I ultimately began to feel like the person I'd been when I'd left New York, a girl I hadn't heard from in a while.

I should mention, she is only moving to San Diego. It's not like I'll never see her. It's not even like she'll be in a different time zone, like the friends I left back east and often spend more time playing phone tag with than talking to. But when I left those friends, we'd had nearly ten years together; our roots were and still are deeper than geography. With Laura, we have a great bond, sure, but it is tender and new - we've barely scratched the surface! There's still so much to learn about each other and so many stories to be shared; to lose momentum now feels unfair and unfinished - a mid-season Project Runway castoff whose talent we never fully got to see.

I should also mention, she's moving because she's engaged. And while I'm happy, actually THRILLED for her, of course, it also means I have to allow her to go and spread her wings and start a new life. It's not just that I'm afraid we'll drift apart, but, at this juncture, it's going to be hard to get closer. And she's such an awesome person, and has been such a positive influence on my life, it makes me sad to think this is the closest we'll ever be. I haven't had nearly enough time with her.

Selfish? I know. Overly dramatic? Maybe. But until you've had to make new friends as an adult, with none of the comforts of college or classes to fall back on, you have no idea how rare it is to find someone you truly connect with. I certainly didn't. I took my college and New York friends for granted, never opened myself up much for expanding my circle. But Laura, and my friend Tracy before her, both welcomed me with open arms, and I don't think I can ever express how much it has meant. And even though my social life now is filled with many Lauras - wonderful, fabulous women that I love and am proud to have in my inner circle - I can't help but worry that she's just the pebble that starts the avalanche, and that the rest of my LA life could start sliding downhill.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Pop culture questions and a midweek treat

I've seen photos online of Katie Holmes every single day for the past year. Katie with Tom, Katie with Posh, Katie with Suri, all in various hairstyles and outfits and cities. Pretty much her entire transformation from Joey Potter to TomKat to PoshKat has been documented. So how is it, exactly, that I've never once seen a picture of her running, except in the slightly major New York City marathon? Maybe there is something to all those vitamins, after all...

Is it just me, or are more celebrities getting knocked up out of wedlock? I'm not talking about the lesser Spears sister, but legitimate of-age actors that increasingly seem to do it for the publicity. First Nicole Richie, then Jessica Alba, now Matthew McConaughey? I love how in the official statement it mentions that his new movie will be released next month, as if this is just another part to the press junket. Then again, this is the guy who drove cross country in an Airstream to promote Sahara, so anything is possible.

How is it that, until Monday, I'd never heard of this site? It hilariously provides the most detailed Project Runway recaps I've ever read, but broken up into separate posts throughout the week so you can read each one the 2-3 times it deserves. These guys have a good eye for fashion which is a nice change from other TV blog recaps, but realize the show for it's entertainment value and offer the most spot-on character commentary I've read anywhere. I spent about three hours reading it Monday night, and can't put into words how much I've been looking forward to tonight's episode ever since.

You're welcome.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sunday soup

People ask me all the time, "What's new?" And I answer honestly, "Nothing really." It's true - I've had the same apartment, the same job, the same social status for going on three years, now. Yet the end of this week brought a number of surprising news announcements, and while some of it won't affect me directly, it sure seems like change is in the air.

One friend's boyfriend's father died, leaving a sorrow-filled hole in their close family. Another friend gave notice on both her job and apartment, and announced she'd be moving to San Diego within the month. A third friend, after a year of struggling financially, got a shiny new job and passed an exam that will greatly affect her income.

There's also been a lot of social activity lately. I feel like I'm meeting guys much more frequently and naturally than I have in a long time, but the last two losers I went out with have soured me on dating for a while.

I met Finance Guy at this party, and we met up the next Friday night. Finance Guy was from Long Island, used to work on Wall Street, and clearly embraced the "work hard, play hard" mentality I used to see so frequently in New York. We met at a restaurant near his place for dinner, and each ordered a glass of wine. We both liked it, so he suggested ordering a bottle. I didn't think we would drink that much, but whatever, from our conversation, I knew he'd be paying for it.

At the end of dinner, I still had half a glass left so we moved to the bar where we could continue talking and he could continue drinking. Because suddenly that seemed like his job. He started drinking with a vengeance, throwing back vodka tonics with no regard for the fact that he had driven there or that I had switched to water. After all, I was driving, and, um, on a date. As he got more inebriated, he started dropping hints about how much money he had (and by hints, I mean zeros), started throwing $20s at the bartender, and basically horrifying me to the point that I was embarrassed to be there. I finally convinced him to go, to leave his car there and I'd drop him off at his condo. As atrocious as his behavior, I couldn't let him get behind the wheel. But I didn't rush to return his call the next day when he couldn't remember where to find it.

Mr. Nice Guy, as I probably should have anticipated, turned into Mr. Crazy Guy. The week I got back from Cabo I told him that I just didn't feel a connection with him. He didn't take it too well, but we ended on a nice note and I thought that was that. He then proceeded to call or text me at least once a week, asking to take me to lunch, or dinner, or just to see what was up. I usually replied curtly or not at all. He never got the hint. Monday he left a message just to say hi. I didn't return the call. Thursday he called again, didn't leave a message. Friday afternoon he called again (!) asking if I was free Sat, he'd like to take me to dinner. Fed up, I texted him that I am not trying to be mean but I am not interested and would appreciate if he would please stop calling.

He called right back; I let it go to voice mail. He left a nasty message that reminded me of the pranks high school boys used to play back before we had Caller ID. The sixth-grade teacher, it turns out, is no more mature than his students. And could probably learn a thing or two about taking a hint.

When all this happened, I immediately regretted not ending things with him sooner, like after our second date. I should have known, I thought. He was too nice to be true. Not only that, but there was something about him that kind of creeped me out, but I pushed those instincts away because he just seemed so nice, thinking I should give him another chance. I don't think I'm one of those girls that's desperate or that aches to see the good in people - I don't think I was being blind to anything obvious. But the next time the little voice inside my head starts talking, I need to remember to listen.

Which is why I am going to cancel my upcoming dentist appointment. I haven't been to the dentist in almost a year because I left my last appointment feeling like something about the doctor was shady. It wasn't just that he used my chest and neck as a shelf for his dental tools, or that he gave me a hard sell on Invisalign, but I left the office with the uneasy feeling like maybe he'd been lying to me - maybe I didn't need those sealants or that $pecial fluoride rin$e. I left feeling dirty and dumb and quite possibly taken advantage of, although I could never quite put my finger on the problem.

So why did I make an appointment to go back to him at all? Well, because I had that other issue with my first dentist, so I convinced myself that maybe I'm the one with the problem. I must be imagining these things, making them up, because, really, how many problems can one person have at the dentist? I mean, that aren't even related to my teeth? I'm afraid if I keep hopping around, trying practice after practice, I'll be blacklisted as a tough patient, a dental slut, a literal, twisted embodiment of the vagina dentata.

But now, thanks to Mr. Crazytown, I am going to trust my instincts and go back to the drawing board and look for my third dentist in as many years. This is as exhausting as dating. And I end up with the bill.

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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Mixed messages

"Curtains up! Spring has arrived!"

Or so declared the whimsical vinyl letters posted above the newly merchandised windows at J. Crew.

Even in Los Angeles, where the average daily temperature is above 60 degrees, I can assure you with absolute certainty that not only has Spring not arrived, it hasn't even started packing for its trip.

It's January 8th, people. Neighbors still have Christmas lights up. Resolutions are still carried out with optimism, not ready to be surrendered in shame. Even if I wanted it to be spring, which, let's face it, of course I do, it's not like if I dress the part, the season will catch up with my wardrobe. Last I checked, we have a ways to go.

Of course, if it were spring, that would mean we'd all have had to lost the weight we'd resolved to do, or you'd think we'd resolved to do according to this month's focus in the women's consumer magazines. "Lose Weight!" "Hit Your Happy Weight!" "Get to a Great Weight!" Blach. Fine. What I don't get is how each magazine can preach the same contrary bits of information:

1.) Exercise for 45-90 minutes per day.
2.) Eat dinner before 7 PM, or at least three hours before bedtime.
3.) Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

Now, I'm not so good at math. But. Do the majority of working women even walk through the door before 7 PM? Certainly not if they go to the gym after work. I suppose they're expected to go to the gym in the morning, then, but I know I'd have to wake up around 5:30 just to do so, which would mean cutting my sleep back to about 6.5 hours a night. I'm not contesting the information, just the fact that the numbers don't add up, and aren't very realistic for the society we live in.

Speaking of unrealistic, my favorite bit of lose-weight wisdom comes from this month's Vogue: "The easiest diet to follow is one in which every other day, you eat half of what you normally eat." Something about that naturally, permanently, shrinks down fat cells. Except that um, I think that's kind of like Starving. Or, if you are already eating enough that cutting 25% of your intake is safe, I'm guessing - just guessing! - there might be a healthier way to do it.

Interestingly, of all of the January issues I've read so far (about 6), Vogue is the only one with a 12+ page color advertisement from diet drug Alli. Not just an ad, Alli created a 2008 pullout calendar full of useful tips and motivational messages.

My beef (mm, beef!) with this is two-fold. One, the majority of Vogue readers don't need Alli at all, but many could be tempted to try it in the ongoing effort to shrink from a size 2 to a 0. Secondly, unless that's what Alli had in mind - in which case I think they should change their tagline to "Alli is the new Adderall/coke/(insert favorite amphetamine here) - this ad buy seems a bit off.

In an understandable effort to align themselves with the fashion crowd, Alli, with its 12 page overeagerness, comes off as the friendly fat kid who gladly hands over her lunch money in the hopes that cool girl Vogue will like her. Look, I'm buying 12 pages! And I decorated it into a pretty calendar! You have to like me now! Right?

But you know that, when all is said and done, Vogue will just pocket the money, laugh at the joke, and never let Alli near their table in the Conde Nast cafeteria.

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Saturday, January 05, 2008

Year-End Meme

I copied this meme from AmyD. (Well, I mean I copied the questions, not her answers.)

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? I saw an MC Hammer concert!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year was the first in forever that DIDN'T make any resolutions, and yet it was the first year I think I actually bettered myself. The few years before then, I had always made the same resolutions: drink less, floss more, get a boyfriend. Last year was the first year I actually DID start drinking less, flossing more, and, well, at least I didn't disappoint myself when I, yet again, didn't have a boyfriend.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but I had a few friends get engaged, and a few more get married, and a few more get pregnant. I think 2008 is the year!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit? Mexico!

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A boyfriend.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? October 11th - when my company's new store opened; December 7th - when my friend Maria got married; and June 2nd - when I had the most amazing 31st birthday.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Pulling off the store opening. Running ten miles. Making really good friends I couldn't have imagined even a year ago.

9. What was your biggest failure? Failure is a strong word for an optimistic Saturday morning.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope! Well, I kind of got a bug after my store opening, and there is my persistent hip problem which doesn't hurt when I run - only the remaining 23 hours and 30 minutes of every day. But other than those I have been healthy as an ox!

11. What was the best thing you bought? Benetint. New Uggs. And I think I did good with my Holiday shopping this year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My friend Maria, who was the best bride ever and made it a joy and a privilege to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Um, the Republican party?

14. Where did most of your money go? My social life.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I tend not to get excited about too much for fear of being let down. But I did get pretty amped about my birthday.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Rhianna's Umbrella. (Ella, ella...)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Definitely happier.
b) thinner or fatter? About the same.
c) richer or poorer? A little richer in the wallet, possibly poorer in the portfolio.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing. Networking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Kvetching.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Happily, in Massachusetts with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Only with a few television programs and maybe a fragrance or two. And I fell in love with LA all over again - usually once every few weeks or so.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Project Runway, Gossip Girl, Brothers and Sisters.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Goodness, no. My heart has grown exponentially in a year, and I think I have greater patience and much more love for a lot of people.

24. What was the best book you read? Eat, Pray, Love.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? This song and video.

26. What did you want and get? Inner peace.

27. What did you want and not get? A boyfriend. (Haven't we covered this?)

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I very rarely see new/current movies and this year was no exception.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31 and celebrated with a huge birthday party at Trader Vics and had the best time I've had in years.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? How many different ways can I answer this question? Okay, to switch it up, let's say to have my whole family living out in LA with me.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? This was the year of the Black Jersey Dress. I own about 6 or 7 of them - all in different styles - and they go with everything, in every season.

32. What kept you sane? I don't know - just good brain chemistry, I guess. Good friends. I suppose the gym and exercise helped.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Little Violet Affleck.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Office politics.

35. Who did you miss? A couple of girlfriends, who found boyfriends/husbands this year. A guy friend who fell out of my social circle. My family.

36. Who was the best new person you met? So many people came into my life this year, I can't put a superlative on it.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. You only get one life to live, it's up to you how you want to live it - GNY.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I must have done something good." - Maria and The Captain, The Sound of Music.



Thursday, January 03, 2008

A Very Happy New Year

If you've read through my blogroll, you probably know by now that I spent New Year's Eve with the lovely Hilary and Nicole, among others. It was a really nice New Year's, starting with a low key potluck dinner - for which I successfully made my mom's Asian Green Bean Salad, drinks at our favorite neighborhood bar, and back at home soon after midnight. What you don't know is that I also (finally!) met another blogger, my faithful reader and probably longest-time commenter, Huphter! It was the perfect way to celebrate the new year - old friends, new friends, Auld Lang Syne and all that.

(Although I suppose that everyone in my group qualifies as a new friend - I met them all less than a year ago, which is odd considering how close we've become.)

Lauren and I had slept over Nicole's house that night, and both woke up bright and early New Year's Day. Or, you know, at 9:00. With Nicole still sleeping, the two of us decided to walk to Starbucks to get coffee, and quickly realized that it was a beautiful day. The winds of the Santa Ana's had passed, but the heat stayed, giving us the most gloriously clear, sunny morning to kick off 2008. We walked up to Melrose, marveling at the weather and the quiet city streets, feeling somewhat like we were the only people in town - the only survivors in a disaster movie, perhaps, or, more likely, the only Angelenos not hungover on New Year's morning.

We sat in the sunshine as we sipped our iced coffees, and once I again I felt so thankful for my life, for the decisions I have made, and for things that fell into place so easily, it was like they were decided for me. An hour passed and we made our way back to Nicole's, woke her up, and went back out the door for an hour walk around the neighborhood. I can say with the confidence that this is the first time EVER that I've exercised on New Year's morning.

I cherished every second and thought to myself that the first few hours of 2008 couldn't possibly have been better spent. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all many moments like that this year.