Thanks again for all the good wishes regarding my mom. Now, let's get back to regularly scheduled blogging and the topic I know you all really come here for: dating.
I re-signed up for Match about two weeks ago. You probably recall, I've done Match before, but not in a while. After seeing the same old faces and getting the same grammatically-challenged emails for years, I took a little hiatus to try JDate, and eHarmony, respectively. JDate had new faces but the same grammatically-challenged writers; eHarmony people could actually write coherent paragraphs, but the faces, generally, left something to be desired.
As such, it's been nearly two years since I was last on Match, and when my old profile came up, I was shocked at how much I've changed. The old profile was vibrant, lively, confident; talked about having fun with her friends, eager to try new bars and restaurants, a passion for the gym. I was a "burst of energy," liked to drink alcohol "regularly" and looked for someone with "a killer smile, a twinkle in the eye, personality, ambition, confidence, and spitfire." Wow, I sounded fun! I would totally date that me.
Unfortunately, I am so not feeling any of those things. My confidence level has been shot so far down in the last two years, I find it hard to believe I once was. I rarely go out, unless I'm committed to some group activity I can't get out of. My passion for running has morphed into a resigned addiction to the gym, and I can't remember the last time I've been anything close to energetic. Most nights I'm exhausted and in bed at 10, with no desire for the glass of wine I used to crave. If I "bound out of bed" too early on a "sunny Saturday morning" I'll never make it out that night. Which is just as well, because I'd rather watch TV Land reruns, anyway.
Who AM I?
Who I am, thankfully, is a writer, and I managed to change just enough of my profile to reflect the current me, while still keeping in some of the more relevant upbeat information. And seemingly, it's done okay. I've gotten quite a number of emails from good-looking, grammatically-adept men with whom I've actually enjoyed corresponding. Of course, the challenge with any of this is that, so often, the person doesn't live up to their profile, but this time, at least, the profiles are piquing my interest.
So, last week, I had three dates in three days. See: exhaustion. Thursday night's was this guy with an incredibly attractive (hot!) face, but a seriously awkward manner - nervous-like tics, hunched-over posture, and an impersonal conversational manner. It was like he read "How to Act on a Date, Volume 1" and followed it to the letter. We'd be having a decent conversation about one thing or another, and as it would wind down, I'd see him getting nervous, and then pull a "first date question" out of thin air. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" (Um, I answered that two emails ago.) "What was the last fun place you've traveled?" (I think he stole that from Match, directly.) And the most random, "So, uh, have you ever broken a bone?" Yikes. His nerves were charming but emasculating, though to his credit, he insisted on paying for our drinks.
Friday night was the Puppeteer, because I live in Los Angeles where grown men get paid for playing with dolls and I lowered my standards a long time ago. He was nice, cute enough, and less awkward than Thursday night's date, but was awkward nonetheless. Conversation was okay; I tried to avoid looking at his Asics with dress socks.
Saturday afternoon was coffee with the third date, and he was the opposite of the others - awkward was nowhere to be found. In it's place was a smooth, easy-to-confide in confidence, and though we were polar opposites on practically every single point of discussion, it was the only date of the three where I felt like I'd actually had a discussion. First date banter was easily abandoned in favor of friendly conversation, and while I wasn't sure I liked his stance on some things, I decided that, given the contexts of the three dates, he's the only one I'd agree to go out with again.
So, naturally, I got this text on Sunday night:
"Hey Lori, Just wanted to touch base. Although I really enjoyed spending time with u and find u very attractive, I'm not sure I felt that emotional connection. I can't say I didn't have thoughts of making out with you :) but at the same time I think we are different people. Feel free to share thoughts if u want."
I actually laughed out loud when I received it. That's presumptuous, I thought. It's not like I reached out to him or expressed any interest in a second date. Besides, when you've had less than three dates, I think a disappearance/fade-out is perfectly acceptable. No questions asked!
Then I looked again and read between the lines - with his two compliments to my appearance, was he gauging my interest in or trying to leave the door open for a friends-with-benefits situation? I laughed again, and, buoyed by the thought that still, somewhere, someone finds me attractive, I wrote him back:
"Ha - no worries - I completely agree. Good luck w/ your move and w/ grad school. Take care. :)"
I'm fine to close the door on that one. And who knows - maybe he was just being nice or trying (unnecessarily) to let me down gently. I think I'll stick with my version, in any case.
Labels: boys
