In which my life becomes an episode of Seinfeld

Here's another minor dating dilemma that probably won't garner me any sympathy, but I could use some commiserating nonetheless.

I was supposed to have a date tonight with yet another Match suitor. I was initially very attracted to his online profile, we seemed to have a lot in common, and we exchanged a few emails that confirmed as such. Then he called me. And left a voice mail. And my ears started bleeding from within.

His voice was a sing-songy, high-pitched nasal whine that didn't match the rugged exterior he put forth in his online photos. I called him back, cringing as he answered the phone, as I knew immediately that I might not get past this. Then we started talking and I did actually forget about the voice, until he started telling this horrible story that went nowhere, and perhaps, because he realized as such, filled the void with the only thing worse than an annoying voice - an annoying laugh. At himself. He also told another story that annoyed me, for reasons not even worth going into here.

I tried to get off the phone. That's when he asked me out, and - because I was put on the spot - I agreed to drinks this Friday. I figured I would pick someplace loud and someplace dark and hope that he was better looking than sounding.

Thursday morning he called to tell me that he forgot he had something tonight, could we reschedule for sometime this weekend. I texted him back and Sunday would work. And then, after he called me yet again to figure out plans, I let it go to voice mail and deleted it half way through. I really, really, really don't want to go out with him.

I texted him and lied and said that now I suddenly remembered I had something on Sunday. Could we talk next week and make a new plan. He wrote back and said sure. I know this sounds hopelessly shallow, but the thought of listening to that voice and that laugh and having to keep my eardrums from dripping out of my head in person was enough to make me dread my weekend. I already know I can't really do anything next week, so I feel like I should have just let him know I'm not interested, but how do I say that now? When we haven't even gone out? What could have possibly changed between the first conversation and now? Nothing, except everything.

I don't know. Maybe if I had met him naturally, like in person, I wouldn't have even noticed his voice. But now, I can't get past it. I'm hoping he won't call me next week, will leave it in my hands to make the next move. Which, I think, will be deleting my Match profile and focusing on work for the rest of the winter.

And this, my friends, is why I'm single.