In over my head

So. The condo.

You know how you have to get pre-approved? And, apparently, when you get pre-approved, it would make sense to also find out the terms of the loan options you are approved for? Well, I kind of overlooked that last part.

The day we put the offer in, my mortgage broker assured me I was pre-approved, but never explained how the breakdown would work. Since I've never done this before, it didn't occur to me to ask. I guess I just figured that would come up at some point, but it couldn't be that big of a deal since the bank said I could afford it. Ha. Now I understand why the entire country is so fucked.

With the mortgage, HOAs, insurance, and taxes, I'd be paying about $3000 per month. I currently pay $1440 in rent. "But you'll get roughly $400 back per month for tax write offs," she explained, as if to reassure me.

Now, I'm not very good at math, but I failed to see how an extra $400 per month would bridge a $1500 difference. I do save a few hundred dollars every month - but not nine hundred dollars.

"You can put more money down," she offered, referring to my 10%.

Yeah, I could - if I had more money. It's not like I have 20% lying around, and I just want to pay more interest. Truthfully, I could probably put 15% down, but I'd be draining my savings, and I don't know that I'm entirely comfortable with that.

So I thought about it for a bit, but, really, there wasn't much to think about. Nine hundred dollars per month is not cut-back-on-Starbucks and lay-off-the-shoe-shopping money. That's cancel my gym membership, cable TV, internet, phone, and hell, I'd have to quit my job and find one closer to home just to avoid my current gas expenditures. I know I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure quitting my job is not the solution to this problem.

So I reluctantly told my real estate agent that I was done, I couldn't swing it. Part of me felt duped by the mortgage broker, but mostly I just felt foolish that I never asked this in the first place. And in all the time that we had been going back and forth with the counter offers, I had already started thinking of this place as my home.

After I wrote the post on Friday, I spent a good deal of Sunday researching "how to buy a condo." I made a list of appropriate questions to ask, and finally understood the process enough to come up with some of my own. I read, and re-read, the purchase agreement several times, enough to answer many of the questions on my list. By Monday morning, when the broker finally wrote me back with the breakdown, I felt in control of the situation, and excited at being such a responsible, knowledgeable adult.

And then, it was all for naught.

Or maybe not.

When my real estate agent told the selling agent that I was backing out, the selling agent asked what the price would have to be to make it work for me. (!!!) And now that I've spoken to a few friends, they've encouraged me to contact another mortgage broker, or maybe even an accountant, someone who might better explain my options for financing. While I know I can't swing an extra $900 per month, it might be worth considering putting a little more money down to lower the costs. And if, by some miracle, this place is still available when I get back from Peru, I'll be able to get it for lower than my original bid. At that point, I could almost definitely put 15% down, and maybe the monthly payments would be less of an issue. I don't know. I just don't know.

What I do know is that I like this place. I'm heartbroken at the thought of losing it. I don't want to get it for the wrong reasons, but I don't want to miss out on a good opportunity just because I don't fully understand my options. Right now I just feel like such a girl. And I have no business buying anything if I can't start thinking like a woman.