The first time I ever came to LA was in February 2004. Just under three years later, I am about to embark on my 19th cross-country trip. That's more than one trip every two months. One trip every two months between NYC and LA, that is; many more have been taken elsewhere for both business and pleasure.
What's with the math, you ask?I guess right now it’s just mind over matter, and I am exhausted. And I guess I find it ironic. (There’s that word again! Can I stop saying that?!)
I had never been to Los Angeles in my life until three years ago. And then, like magic, I just kept going. Work kept sending me, new friends kept popping up, and I came to believe that my stars were aligned on the left coast.
Once I moved, I found myself doing the reverse commute. My line of work keeps me traveling to New York quite frequently. I end up dating a guy in the city which keeps me interested in work. My friends continue to invite me to things I can’t turn down, like birthday parties, baby showers, engagement parties. I don’t want to turn them down. They are my friends, I miss them. I cherish continuing to be a part of their lives.
But then there is my life here that I feel like I am barely living. I know that I have held back a lot because a part of me is always wondering when I’m going to move back. What is going to bring me there? A new job? A guy? My parents getting sick and needing me to come home? In the back of my mind I have always thought that LA was a temporary thing - that I would move back eventually. What if it’s not? What if it doesn’t have to be? I could finally settle down and get TiVo, or a complete set of dishes and flatware. Look for a job in entertainment and not worry that I’m backing myself into a corner, a narrow box without an opening on the east coast.
Until then, I feel like I am only phoning it in. Living half heartedly. It’s hard not to when you spend half your life living out of a suitcase and the other half doing the laundry in it. It’s all kind of feeling like a big spin cycle, and I’m just watching it go round. Up and down. Back and forth. Every three weeks I take it out and do it again.
On the other hand, how freaking lucky am I that I get to have a job that sends me back so often?! And have so many friends that haven’t forgotten about me!?
I think I would just like to pick a city and stick with it for a little while.
6 Comments:
I would kill to travel that often, for work or for pleasure, but I can understand the feeling of wanting to just settle in a city. I think that's why I have stayed in Minneapolis so long. It's the first time in my life (literally, since I grew up as an army brat) where I have stayed more than a few years (almost 6 now). Not that this is where I plan to stay necessarily, but it feels good to have a place to call home.
I'm sure you've never watched NUMB3RS on CBS with Rob Morrow and that dorky math guy, but when I was moving to Anchorage I found myself on the US Census webpage. I wanted to know if there could even be the possibility of finding romance in such a remote location. I figured out that of the 125,000 women who live in Anchorage 10% were in my age range and unmarried. That leaves 12,500 to pick from. Since I tend to like "the cream of the crop" I did another estimation that only 10% of that number I would be interested in. That leaves 1,250, not bad, until I considered how many women are engineers and would be in my social circle and that dropped the total number down to 30. Now figure that only 10% of those might be single and in my age group, I was left with the number 3. So out of a population of 250,000 there would be less than a 0.001 percent chance. Even if I dated outside of my social circle my highest probablility of having a successful relationship was still only a 1% chance. Whatever your reason for staying in LA, finding that realtionship you've always dreamed of is like looking for a needle in a haystack. No matter what you decide, you need to be able to change and be flexible and your odds of success will increase. Your willingness to go the extra mile and go out of your way will enhance your career and maintain the relationships with your family. Keep the faith.
for what it's worth, i'm glad you're in LA because you're a total peach. amy and I agreed that we DEFINITELY want to hang out with you more. i don't envy the constant traveling you've been doing but i'm glad you can appreciate it for what it's worth. when you decide to settle down, i'll look forward to more girls nights!
YES! I echo Nicole's statment. I am so happy you are in LA because as you know fun, cool, silly, REAL friends are hard to come by in this city.
:)
You do what's best for you. But sometimes we have no clue what that may be. The only advice I can offer you is to live for today, for what you have today. Should the need arise for you to move back, then you move. You can't plan for a life in LA, and a 'just in case I move back life' either. Make your life here and as for moving back, cross that bridge when it comes. No sense in worrying about it now.
Thanks, everyone. I know I am so freaking lucky I shouldn't even be complaining. I should have prefaced that I wrote that while sitting in the airport waiting for my flight - for what seemed like the umpteenth flight I've taken. I need an airport detox for a while.
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