These dreams go on

Have you ever had a recurring dream? Like the one where you're standing in your underwear at the front of homeroom, or being chased by something that you can't see but are scared of nonetheless?

I guess those are pretty general dream themes that most of us have over the course of our lives, myself included. If I've ever had one specific dream over and over, it's that I'm in college, preparing for finals, when I realize that I haven't been to class all semester. Usually it's a history class, but once in a while, for variety, I'll get a math class thrown in. (I never actually took math in college, basically because it stressed me out enough when I was awake to know better.) I'll have some version of this dream once every few months, and even more often if I'm stressed; lately, it has taken on some creative new twists.

Last week I dreamed that I was acting in a play, but hadn't seen the script or learned my lines. The first act had started, and I didn't know whether to leave the building and ruin the show or flub my lines and ruin the show. Mr. Corpuscle wasn't around, so really, I don't know what I was so worried about.

Then last night I had apparently traded drama club for cheerleading: I was about to try out for my high school cheerleading squad, when I realized that I didn't know the words to the cheer. I had the moves down (which right then should have told me it was a dream because when I actually was a cheerleader, it took my uncoordinated self at least three days longer than anyone else to master the routine) but I had never learned the words.

I find a copy of the cheer and try to commit it to memory, but then it occurs to me that I haven't actually cheered in over ten years! What if I forget how to make the perfect "V" with my arms? Or bend my wrists or leave my thumbs sticking out from my fist? What if I looked as awkward as I remember I did on the junior varsity squad?

It goes from bad to worse. Suddenly I remember that I quit the varsity squad in the middle of my junior year (that part is real), so how will I convince the coach that I want to be part of the team now? As if on a job interview, I have to find a way to explain that I'm not a quitter.

The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure this whole dream theme started because I was a quitter. My junior year of college I up and quit a history class - actually formally withdrew from it - because, well, it interfered with my social life. And why should I take it then when I could make it up over the summer when I had nothing better to do? And make new friends there? Which I did, and did. It turned out to be a better semester because I quit and a better summer because I had new boys to play with. (I mean, because I was mentally stimulated in between shifts at Bertucci's.)

Today, I don't think the dream has as much to do with my guilt over quitting as it does with the fear of being unprepared, but it's funny how things from our past can stay with us long after we thought we've put them to bed.