Imploding

A friend of mine had a group of us over to her house after work on Friday. As I drove us there over a windy, spiral-like exit bridge off the freeway, I commented to my friend Kim that, "I hate bridges like these. They just, I don't know..."

"Make you think of earthquakes?" she finished. "Yup," I said. "Exactly."

Two weeks ago today, I was ruminating over another not-so-natural disaster, calling and emailing with my friends in New York to make sure not just that everyone was safe, but to see how they were holding up after the fear of it all. Some better than others, it turned out, but they were all quick to remind me of how random it was, that it could have happened anywhere.

And now it has happened again, a "structural deficiency" in Minneapolis. I used to know a ton of people in Minneapolis - clients from my last job, a few years ago. With the exception of one, who I last talked to more than a year ago, I haven't kept in touch with any of them since shortly after I moved here. Odds are, they are all okay. Part of me wants to start emailing them at the last known address I have, just to relieve my doubt. Another part of me feels that is foolish, selfish, as they are likely fine but know someone else affected by it. Who am I to impose my worry? Or better, my sudden remorse for not keeping in touch? I have to remind myself that this isn't about me.

Isn't it weird that after 9/11, we're all so programmed to fear terrorism, and yet these things keep happening that we've pretty much done to ourselves? Steam pipes, bridges, The Big Dig, New Orleans levees? What's next? What's the answer? I don't propose we start a massive overhaul on the entire country's infrastructure; but where does it stop? And why does it seem to be happening more and more? IS it happening more often, or am I just more aware of it because I am older and pay more attention? I'm starting to wonder if we're our own worst enemy.

I've been thinking of that phrase a lot lately. I don't think I ever truly understood what it meant to be one's "own worst enemy" until I met someone who was exactly that. I have a good friend here - a normal, fun, intelligent girl; but once you've spent ten minutes with her, you realize that she is all of those things despite herself. This girl has an enormous talent, a quick wit, a huge heart, and so much freaking potential; yet I have watched for a year now as she has sabotaged jobs, friendships, relationships, and in general, her own happiness.

She knows she needs help, she wants to get help; but she's intermittently either too depressed or literally gets in her own way too much to make it happen. What do you do? I can't walk away, but at this point, there is very little I can do to help her. It's like just sitting and waiting for the bridge to collapse or the steam pipe to burst and all I can do is hand her the number for Triple AAA.