Friends, friends, friends, we won't always be

We haven't had a good laugh around these parts in a while, so let's talk about my dating life.

The joke, of course, being that if I went on any fewer dates, said life would surpass the "endangered" list and ultimately be declared extinct.

I've been on Match for a while but participating half-heartedly, finding very little interest in very few people. This may have less to do with their profiles than my mind-frame, but I guess I feel like I should be doing something to keep myself out there, even if it's only keeping an active profile for hundreds of people to judge.

A few weeks ago, I got an email from someone who struck me as somewhat familiar. I opened his profile, and it turns out, we went to summer camp together back in the early 90's. I wrote back, sharing immediately that I recognized and remembered him, and then was humbled when he replied that he had no idea who I was. Awesome. My ego is fine, thank you. With little prodding, he finally remembered me, we caught up over a series of emails and texts, and met up shortly thereafter.

And I had a nice time. He was nice. Not particularly my type - he seemed a bit quieter and shyer than the guys I go for, but it was fun catching up and we had some interesting things in common. That said, I knew right off the bat I wasn't interested in dating him. I just wasn't attracted. Our whole date seemed more like it had a friendly vibe, though, so I wasn't that worried about having to tell him that, or tell him anything, and I hoped we could transition things into a rekindled friendship. Even if that friendship was based only on our newfound proximity and one summer 20 years ago that he clearly didn't remember.

I don't ask a lot from my friends.

He texted me every day that week, much more than any of my actual friends. While he didn't outright ask me out again, I could tell he was fishing to determine my interest. I kept it friendly, but brief, and hoped he'd get the hint. I guess he's not much one for subtlety, though, because the following week, I got this:

So, let me put it out there... did you want to get together originally just to catch up or do you think there is something more there potentially?

Yikes. Wasn't expecting that kind of text in the middle of my work day. Wasn't expecting to have this conversation over text at all, but I guess if it is his communication of choice... I wrote back:

Just to catch up but I had fun and think we should be friends, stay in touch. I like connecting with people from the past b/c we naturally share something in common, and that is rare out here.

Honest. I probably could have worded it better but it distracted me so much at work I just wanted to write back and get it over with. I debated glossing it over and saying that I was open to seeing where things could go, but really, I wasn't. And if I've learned anything from my two decades of dating it's that it's always easier on everyone to end things sooner rather than later.

He apparently appreciated honesty too, considering his quick reply:

That's cool... I have enough friends... lol

Wow, ego-bruiser! Tell me how you really feel.

I admit, I've thought, and said that phrase in jest about similar situations. Say, I was telling a girlfriend how a guy might have said that to me, and I'd be all - to my girlfriend - "like I need any more friends!" Ha! But I would never, NEVER say that to a guy! I'd be like "Sure", and then never answer the phone again, maybe, but I wouldn't be all bitter like that - to their face!

(I try to reserve my bitter for the privacy of home. Trust me, everyone is happier that way.)

In fact, I remember the time I broke up with this guy. He wouldn't let me off the phone until I at least agreed to be friends. So I did, thinking it would mean nothing, maybe he would call once in a while if he was in the neighborhood, or we'd add each other to our birthday party guest lists, but that's it. After all, why would he want to be friends with someone who made it very clear she did not want to date him? Right?

Wrong! He thought my agreeing to be friends with him meant that we could forgo the dating part of the relationship and just have sex on occasion. He called me every week for a month before I finally told him to get lost, and he told me the real reason he kept calling.

I met him on Match too, now that I think of it.

Anyway, I wouldn't have even included the friendship remark if we hadn't actually, at one point, been friends. I totally get that it's a shitty thing to hear, and I really don't have any interest in being friends with most of the random guys I date. But I don't consider him random. I thought it was really cool that we reconnected across the country, and I was sincerely hoping to make him part of my social circle. Don't get me wrong - it's not like I'd be calling him up for weekend lunches or to gossip about my day. He'd be like every other guy friend I have that sits idle in my phone book, that I banter with on Facebook, and maybe see three times a year. So what's the big deal, then, you ask? If that's all I wanted, aside from avoiding any hurt feelings and snide textual remarks?

Well, the big deal is that it is rare to meet people from my past out here. And unlike high school and college, I didn't stay in touch with my camp friends after I stopped going at 17. Facebook has reconnected me with some, but I haven't seen most of them in real life in fifteen years. Having one pop out of the woodwork like that was a refreshing and comforting reminder of the pre-teen camper I used to be. Bottom line: there there are only a handful of people in the world that shared the exact same experience I did, that carry around the very same memories I have. It was nice thinking I'd reconnected with one of them.

Then again, it's not like he had that great of a memory.