Things I would like to retire from the nation's collective consciousness

1. The Kardashians (see also: Gosslin, Jon & Kate)

2. The French pedicure. Honestly, I've wanted to write about this for years, but feared offending any of my readers. However, after three-plus seasons of staring at toe talons, I'm thinking it's just time to say it: this look offends me. Overgrown toenails are not attractive; why would anyone pay money to get what looks like them? French pedicures do not look clean, they do not look chic; they look like they belong to the homeless vagrant on my corner. For the love of OPI, if you can't pick a color, go bare or go home. I don't want to stare at your crazy clown feet.

(I'm sorry - I'm sure you all have better taste than this anyway. Please, please, please tell me that you do. If not, please feel free to tell me to go to hell. I'll tell you that I'm already there and I'm not going to take it anymore.)

3. The phrase, "I just threw up a little in my mouth." That phrase was popular about four years ago, and only for a nano-second, before everyone started arguing over who coined it. Then we, as an internet nation, agreed it was passe, and anyone who still uses it is a loser who probably sat alone in the seventh grade cafeteria. So, stop saying it. Please also stop saying its 2009 counterpart, "shit the bed." Seriously? That's gross.

4. Along those lines, can we talk about how the word "diss" has seemingly gained a resurgence among the mainstream media? "Diss" actually was a word we used in the seventh grade lunchroom, and I thought died somewhere around sophomore year (along with "Duh!" and "Not!"). Then, about two or three years ago, I started noticing it being used on the Yahoo homepage alongside international news, and on the Today show still into its more serious seven o'clock hour. "Angelina disses Jen!" "Oprah disses Michael Jackson!" "Obama's big diss!" Seriously? What kind of journalistic society are we living in? Even my middle school newspaper knew better than to use that word in print.

5. And okay, maybe I'm too involved on Facebook and Twitter and the blogosphere and PR and apparently every industry in which people find cause to use this word, but I propose an official early end to the (over)use of the term FAIL. Information is moving too fast these days. I'm over trends practically before they even start.

What say you? Feel free to add your pop culture annoyances in the comments. Then I'll print the whole thing out, burn in a bonfire, and pretend that none of this nonsense ever happened.