It's hard out there for a chimp

I think we can all agree that one of the most horrific stories in the news this week is that of the attacking chimp. I don't mean to make light of it, but in every story I read, I keep coming across this one mind-boggling bit of information:

"Authorities are trying to determine why the chimp, a veteran of TV commercials who could dress himself, drink wine from a glass and use the toilet, suddenly attacked."

Okay, can we talk about this sentence? Granted, dressing oneself and using the toilet are clearly unusual things for a chimp to do, and therefore I understand why those details would be included. But I love how, "drink wine from a glass" is kind of buried in the middle there, as if it's on par with the others. Are other chimps slumming shots out of Dixie cups, or huddled in an alley somewhere swapping sips? While I am impressed that Travis seemed to have a handle on stemware, why is he drinking wine in the first place? Is it to alleviate stress? Loosen up among friends? Does he ever lie awake at night and tell himself, "I can stop anytime I want to"?

I'm so confused as to a.) why this lady would waste good alcohol on him, and b.) what kind of dinner parties she is throwing that it would be inappropriate for the chimp to consume wine out of something easier to clean. And a point I have heard exactly no one discuss: was he even of legal drinking age?

Then of course the whole Xanax debacle came out in the news and it became clear to me the source of his stress - he is a former child actor, after all. We all know how they turn out.

On an oddly related note, I've mentioned before that the people in my writing class are an interesting bunch, most with significant stories they want to share. One of the ones I'm most fascinated by is this guy who was a child actor in the 1970's. He had a popular role on a show that's since become a cult classic, but because that role was a monkey, he is virtually unrecognizable today. His story idea, as you can guess, is to go back and talk about his time as a kid actor, the behind-the-scenes dramas of the show, and his experiences after it ended when he found himself, at 13 years old, living in an alternate universe from the rest of his peers.

The guy has been out of the industry for years, and from what I can tell, at least, lives a completely normal life. In contrast to that, though, is his former co-star, who is the same exact age and worked on the show for the same time period - but has since become a full blown alcoholic. He went to interview her last week for the book, and when he arrived at 11:00 - AM! - she was already a few in the bag.

He told us a funny story that the whole reason he got into the business (as a very precocious ten year old) was to make a lot of money, invest it, and be a multi-millionaire by the time he was thirty. This co-star didn't have nearly as high aspirations - she got into the business simply because she wanted a pony. The irony, of course, is that she got what she wanted, while he's still plugging away, trying to amass that fortune.

The moral of this story, then, I guess, is aim low. And that even primates can succomb to Hollywood's pressures.