Clearly colorblind

A few months ago I mentioned that I maybe just might be a little bit tanorexic. Well, today I learned that just as I consistently think my skin is paler than it is, I apparently also think my teeth are less white, less bright, than they actually are. Is there a term for that? Other than, say, Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

I have thought about getting my teeth professionally whitened for a while. I don't smoke, but I do drink plenty of coffee and red wine, and well, there's always room for improvement. I haven't used anything but whitening toothepaste since it came on the market a few years ago, and I've done the White Strips, the Rembrant Trays, the Night Polish, and probably a few other things in between. They all worked fine, but like I said, room for improvement.

So last week I heard on the radio that Brite Smile was offering their treatment for a third off the regular price if you booked through the end of the month. Recognizing the opportunity, I promptly scheduled my appointment for first thing this morning. I arrived at the office, sat down in the chair, and let the dentist poke around in my mouth for a bit. Then he brought out the clay model of teeth, ascending in shades of yellow-to-whiteness, in order to show me where my teeth fell in the spectrum and what shade I could expect them to be after the procedure. And what do you know? My teeth were already whiter than the whitest option. There was virtually no room for improvement after all.

Somewhat sheepishly, I left the office, procedure-free and payment-free, thinking that now I had just a bit more money to spend on some other foolish, vanity-driven treatment down the road. By the time I got into work, however, I decided to take this as a sign that maybe I should just put the unspent money toward a well-needed vacation, as clearly, my reality is blurred.