Questions without answers
Every once in a while I'll have a dream in which I'm being forced to move out of LA for some reason. Once it was because I was graduating from college, another time it was because my mom was sick, another time was something else that I can't just now remember. I've had versions of this dream a few times, but every time the same thing happens: once I've gotten it in my head that I have to move, I realize that I was mistaken and that I don't really have to leave LA at all. For instance, I could find a job here, or my mom would be okay, and then the choice to stay or go would be completely up to me, devoid of any outside factors. So what would I do with it?
Lately, in the dream, the choice has been made easily and with relief: I would stay here. But the dream haunts me nonetheless, because I honestly don't know what I would do if I were faced with that decision in real life.
I'm going to be spending a good amount of time in New York this summer for work, starting with about 2-3 weeks in June alone. And I'm wondering if I will even miss LA. Sure, I will miss my apartment and the nice weather and the driving and the quiet; but when I'm among my people - the people I still consider to be my people - will I miss it enough to want to come back? As much as I love my everyday life here, I still don't feel like I've set down any permanent roots. I'm scared that's once I'm back among my friends and the fast-paced world I was ironically dying to leave, I may not miss LA a bit.
And then where would that leave me?
Labels: New York
posted by Lori @ 9:04 PM
5 Comments:
i can't say i miss it much to be honest....i grew up in costa mesa but moved here awhile ago. I don't mind visiting down there but I'd prefer to be around the people up in sacramento much more.
I was born and raised in LA and when I leave on vaca I never miss LA. In fact I always end up wanting to move to wherever it was I was visiting. But again, I've been living here for 32 years so the shinyness has long ago dulled.
But, I'm having a hard time leaving. I can ski and go to the beach in the same day! How cool is that. There is so much to do here, so much to see. Things seem to be changing in LA, or maybe it's just me getting out more.
The thing is, I love LA. I don't want to leave, nor do I have any plans to. I just don't feel like it's home yet, and I wonder if I ever will. But on the flip side, I felt completely at home in NYC, and it still wasn't enough to make me want to stay.
I was going to title this post "Stranger in a strange land", but I don't feel like a stranger at all. I just wonder how I got here and what I am going to do with it.
You've nailed it. That's why I'm having such a hard time leaving. It does feel like home, it is home.
Give it time, you're still discovering LA, still in the process of making your niche. Maybe moving to a different part of the city is the answer.
The first time I moved to LA, I remember someone telling me it would take 18 months for me to feel like I could call LA home.
I left after 13 months, having never really felt like it was home (and the Northridge Earthquake didn't hurt either).
True enough, when I came back to LA "this time," I stuck it out those first 18 months and, amazingly, that's about when it really clicked for me.
And it's been home ever since.
Odd.
But something to consider. ;)
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