It's a wonderful life

So, I owe you guys an answer.

Not about my weekend in Boston - that's easy: it was wonderful. No, a year ago I came back from my office holiday party with mixed feelings about what LA had to offer me versus what I gave up to accept it, and proposed a mental deadline for figuring it out:

While I thought I understood the sacrifice I was making to move here, I guess I underestimated how hard it would be to actually do so. I suppose we all make sacrifices for the things that we want, but at what price, Christmas carols? Surprise 30th birthday parties? Being there for a best friend's engagement? Will it have been worth it? I'll let you know a year from now.

We had our holiday party today, and this time, instead of feeling like I was among 14 friends, I felt like I was in the presence of three really good ones. That's a positive. Last year at this time, I was happy with everyone, but knew hardly anything about anyone; now, I have a solid group of friends at work that I would be thrilled to have by my side for 3 AM caroling.

The bonds with my other friends have grown as well. My weekend plans are fewer now, but richer. I don't feel the need to go out so often, to push myself to meet new people, to "get out while I'm young"; rather, I go out when I choose, when the plans sound fun and I'll have the opportunity to maximize my relationships, not increase the numbers stored in my phone. I used to worry that if I stayed in, no one would invite me out again; somehow I've gotten beyond that and trust that my friends will keep calling whether I meet them this week or not.

I have missed a lot on the east coast, and I'm missing more as we speak. That cousin's annual holiday party was last night, more friends are getting engaged, and others are having kids. None of that goes unnoticed, or without an aching twinge of "why aren't I there?" Traveling home for Christmas, to see my extended family for the one time per year, I'm always wondering if this might be the last time I'll ever see my grandparents. Wondering in advance how guilty I will feel about that in the years to come.

But I have gained so much. I thought I was independent in New York, but having 20 of my closest college friends in spitting distance wasn't exactly encouraging me to meet new people. I could barely pay my bills until the last couple years I lived there, and then I spent my savings (what savings?) on Prada shoes, not a 401K. The City is actually one of the easiest areas in which to live with the smallest amount of responsibility, and I, frankly, excelled. But I am prouder of what I have accomplished in LA because it was such a steeper road to climb.

Whenever I tell people I am dating someone in New York, they inevitably ask me if I'm moving back. Clearly, it's a thought in my mind, although one I'm not quite ready to address just yet. But it has made me ponder, if I left LA now, would it all have been worth it? The homesickness, the driving (and getting lost!), going weeks without speaking to my best friends, the struggles I had in making new ones?

And, without a doubt, the answer is yes.