My boyfriend Gym, the break-up

So, I'm kind of feeling like I just got dumped. Only not by a boyfriend, but by my personal trainer. Only he didn't exactly break up with me, as much as he let me go without a fight. But even if I did play the role of bitchy girlfriend, it's not really what I wanted! Let me explain.

I've written a few times about how much I love my trainer. Aside from being good at the physical part of his job, there is an unmistakable warmth and likeability to him which I was drawn to immediately. I've had other trainers who were just as good at the training part but lacking in the warmth, and others who were all personality but little skill. Kevin is the first trainer who seamlessly incorporates both into the perfect gym professional.

Much as I love my trainer, he has cancelled three out of the last four appointments I tried to make with him. These last three were the third, fourth, and fifth time he has cancelled on me in the short time we have worked out together (since March, with the summer off since I was traveling so much.) The first time was in the spring, and it was for his back injury, I believe. He cancelled the day before or the morning of, and I was bummed, but didn't think much of it.

The second time, he didn't show up. No call, no email, just a no show. Livid, I came home from the gym to see that he had sent one of his "forwards" on email - one of those "do this for good luck" type of things he would send to us every once in a while. I wrote him back asking why he missed our appointment. I didn't get a response until the following day, when he apologized, claiming he had taken his son to the emergency room. I wanted to believe him but it struck me as odd that he had the opportunity to forward a lighthearted chain email but not to cancel our appointment. Regardless, that weekend was my birthday, the following weekend was the alumni luncheon, and the weekend after that started my marathon trips to New York, so it was the last time I saw Kevin until this fall.

In September I booked our regular Saturday morning appointment. He called me an hour and a half before the appointment to tell me he had thrown his back out and had to cancel. I was pissed, really pissed - I had scheduled my entire day around that appointment - but it was his back, what could I do? That Monday, I told the story to one of the guys at the Pasadena gym, and he was mad for me, telling me I should have called the manager and ratted him out and demanded free sessions. I explained that that wasn't really my style - if anything, I would contact Kevin directly and air my grievances, but because it was an injury, I felt there was little I could say that wouldn't make me out to sound like a self-centered bitch. I was happy with my decision when, the following week, Kevin tagged an extra half hour onto our session because he felt so badly about the prior appointment.

But then there was last weekend. When I got the email an hour before my session (lucky I even checked email at 9 AM on Saturday) that he had a family emergency and had to leave the country. It was another excuse I couldn't really fault him for, but the fact was, I literally had scheduled my entire day around that appointment. (It was the beauty-gone-wrong day, you may recall.) Livid, I called the training manager and explained that this was the fourth time I had been cancelled on, with virtually no notice, and I had goals to meet and absolutely needed a trainer for that time, that day. The manager was apologetic, professional, and accomodating, and found another trainer to work with me that morning; however I felt it was just a band-aid to the bigger problem.

Kevin was back from his family emergency this week, and we confirmed early on that we had our standing 10 AM. So yesterday morning, I dragged myself out of bed at 9 AM despite the gray day, threw myself in the shower so I would be somewhat presentable, made myself eat some oatmeal for strength even though I wasn't hungry, and decided to check my email just in case. I laughed at myself as I did it, knowing there was no way Kevin would cancel on me AGAIN. At the last minute. But there it was: an email from Kevin from 11 PM on Friday night, claiming he had just gotten back from the doctor and he was too sick to make our appointment.

I didn't know what to do. I thought of calling the training manager again, but the fact was, I didn't want someone new - I just wanted Kevin to keep his appointments. And now that Kevin was in the country, I didn't have to go behind his back - I could air my grievances to him directly, what I had felt was the right thing all along. So I sent him the following email:

Kevin,
I am very sorry to hear that you are sick; however this is the fifth time you have cancelled an appointment with me with less than 24 hours notice. FIFTH TIME! And I've only been working out with you since last March, with three months off this summer! The only reason I even checked my email this morning (1/2 hour before my appt) is because I have come to expect this from you. Sadly, I waited to check it until AFTER I have showered and gotten dressed, having dragged my ass out of bed extra early on this gray day so as to maximize our time in this appointment. Frankly, if you had time to email this last night, you might have called or sent a text message so I could have slept in this morning. Or made other arrangements. Your cancellation completely affects my day and shows a lack of respect for my schedule.

Much as I enjoy working out with you, I am doing so because I have specific goals to meet. If you need to cancel on me, I expect more than an email or text message, I expect that you will arrange for me to work out with another trainer in the same time period I had scheduled with you. I could, and have, called the training manager to set me up with someone new, but because my files aren't available, it's like starting all over with someone who had no idea of my capabilities. Essentially, a half hour was wasted playing catch up. We all get sick, we all have family emergencies, but I expect arrangements to be made.

I really don't know what to do. I know that you are getting married soon and I wish you all the best. I would appreciate if you could recommend a trainer to take your place in your absence while I figure out how to move forward.

I hope you feel better - I do! I'm sorry for the harshness of this message but I am very upset having received messages like this so often now.

And this was his response:

No problem, you are absoulutely right and you should be taken care of when you would like to train. I would like to recommend a couple of trainers that you might enjoy training with. One of which is [redacted], another would be [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted]. The problem with most of the traners here are the availability to train someone only once a week. I hope that they will be willing to take you on for once a week. I will do my best to find someone to do so. I know that we have recently hired some new trainers over the past few weeks and they are hungry for clients. I would recommend one of them but I don't know them that well and would hate for you to have to go through with them, what you have gone through with me. I will give them your information and hopefully someone will contact you during the week. I just want you to know that I was coming from Lancaster just for you and I had no other clients for Saturday, so I understand your being upset, but at the same time I thought you would be a bit more understanding of the hour long drive that it would take for me to come and see you and then go back home. This will be the best for both of us as I can now spend the three hours that it took me to come down here to train with you, to spend with my family. I just need you to understand that the day that you came in for your equifit and wanted to train, I really felt bad that you could not get the training package that you wanted. I wanted to help you out of the kindness of my heart. Me training you is not a financial benefit to me, I get paid less than what it cost for me to travel here to train you. There is no way that I had any intent to mess up your day because I emailed you the fact that i was not able to come in to see you, in a more timely manner. Needles to say this is best for both you and I, so I thank you for your time and the time we had training together. I hope you hit your goals soon, and your next trainer is more proficient. Take care of yourself and best wishes on your goals.

Ugh. So now he's all professional and shit and I sound like the self-centered bitch I was worried about becoming three cancellations ago. Or am I? He mentions that I was his only client for Saturday - which I most certainly was not aware of; that he has to drive an hour to get there - which is horrible, mind you, but not really my problem; and that it costs him more to drive there than he makes off me - which is none of my business and something he either needs to take up with the gym or could have mentioned to me months ago along with the phrase, "I know a great trainer I'd like you to meet".

I realize that my email was less than professional and I'm not proud of everything I wrote. But I also don't like feeling taken advantage of, especially when I am pouring more money into this gym per month than most people spend on gym memberships in a year. As for me only going once a week, part of that is a money issue, the other is location. I work out in Pasadena on the weekdays, Westwood on the weekends. Even if I could afford it, scheduling would keep me from committing more than once a week. Kevin told me a long time ago that he only had a few once-per-weekers, and he kept me as one of them because he knew I was so committed. I may be giving the gym less money than the people who train two or three times per week, but it's stil more money than those who don't train at all. I would think that would be worth something.

Anyway, like the best of relationships, I am sad that it's over, and part of me wonders what, if anything, I could have done differently. I plan on speaking to the training manager, since he is aware of my first complaint and might be able to help me find a new trainer. But that's the thing: I don't necessarily want a new trainer - I'd much rather have the old one back. That is, if I could have the relationship from our honeymoon stage, back before it was frought with cancellations, excuses, apologies.

My goodness, I have this much trouble with a personal trainer; it's no wonder I can't keep a boyfriend.